Saturday, October 6, 2012


I'm going to start calling people who don't act Christ-like "vampires".

Yes, yes, I know..."glass house/stones", "splinter your eye/lightpole in mine", etc.

It's called a "joke".  Sarcasm...look it up.

Anyway, I'm not really sure where some of the vampire myth specifics started, and frankly I'm kinda sick this morning and...ok, I'm too lazy to look it up.

Happy?  Moving on.

So, I was taking a shower last night and as I was washing myself I had one of those "PING" thoughts; you know, thinking "A" pings to "B" which pings to "C" then pings to "D" and before you know it you're nowhere near where you started, and you're somewhere brought to you by the letters "W", "T", and "F".


Kinda like that picture.  Not where I started, but where I ended up...and hey, Katy Perry cleavage.  "C" is good enough for me.

Anyway, I digress...where was I...Oh!  Right.

So, I was showering and I thought about "wood".  Hush. Just...hush.  So, wood jumped to "stake"...again with the hushing!  Stake jumped to vampire, and then vampire jumped to the myth where vampires rise after being dead three days and...and they....wait a second.

That's interesting.  Vampires rise as vampires after dying and being dead three days; Jesus died and rose again on the third day.

Myself: I wonder...are there any other parallels or reversals between the two...?

Apparently, there are if you look.  No, it's not a complete match, but enough to make you wonder if maybe Bram Stoker just said, "Ok, let's take Jesus and reverse everything about him and we'll tie that to the vampire blood-drinking myth, cuz's always about the blood, right?"

Which brings us to the blood.  Lots of vampiric power comes from blood.  It's what keeps them alive.  Ironically, for Christians, the blood of Christ is what they derive forgiveness from...and since the "wages of sin are death", they also derive life from His blood.

There's power in the blood, indeed.

Vampires take their blood by violent attack and seduction; the whole "volunteering" blood is a recent pop-culture construct, one popularized by television shows such as Buffy the Vampire SLayer.

Yes, the "L" is capitalized...after fucking two vampires, "Vampire Layer" is also accurate.

Buffy and Spike
Buffy and Angel
Buffy and Satsu

Wait, what?  Buffy slept with a Slayer too??  Yeah, in the Official Season Eight comic, Joss had her being all open-minded and experimental.  Get over it.  Like I said...SLayer.

Moving on...
So vampires take blood...but the blood for the forgiveness of Christians had to be freely given by Jesus; He went to the cross willingly, and according to Him, only He could do so. (John 10:18)  So there's a parallel and a reversal with the blood.

Oh, hey, the cross!  As we all know, the cross as a holy symbol is anathema to vampires.  Recently, again via pop culture, it's been expanded to any holy symbol or religious symbol you hold sacred (Cross for Christians, Star of David for Jews, Lightsaber for Jedi, Colander for Pastafarians, Bathrobe and Beer for Dudists)  Some might argue that the Cross is the most effective holy symbol, but it's probably solely because of the prevalence of Christianity and because Stoker wrote it that way.

Vampires are automatically damned.  Do not pass "GO", do not collect 200 blood bags, no reprieve.  I've always had an issue with that one...damnation ultimately relates to a choice on the part of a person, and some people were "turned" (made into vampires) against their will or without a choice.  I think he missed the mark on that one, probably due to lack of theological knowledge if I had to guess, but that's just a guess.  He might've been a Doctor of Theology and just decided to show how horrible vampires were by making them automagically damned.  *shrugs*  It might more tie in with the black/white view that Jesus/God/Heaven are symbolic of all that's "Good", and Lucifer/Hell/Demons being all that's "Bad".  Since vampires are the "Devil's Children", ergo "bad"; and if the Devil can't be saved, then they can't either.  Again, the antithesis of Christ and Christians.

After a short human life, vampires die and are reborn to live forever as minions to their master.  Christians live a short human life, then die to live forever with Christ as God's children, the Bride of Christ.  Christians are transformed, and the Bible promises new, powerful bodies in Heaven.  Vampires are transformed after death (during?) and receive new, powerful bodies on Earth.

Christians are saved from the Grave (death) while vampires are cursed to it, and must rise every night from their grave, and return to it before sunrise, forever UNdead, a mockery of Christian eternal life.

Vampires and garlic, and transforming into bats, wolves, and mist...Stoker was on some really good shit.  Had to be.  Just sayin'.

So, that's all I have.  Sorry it's been so long, and sorry to return with so lame, but I hope you were at least amused and entertained.  Hell, for all I know you all already knew this and are thinking, "Uh...where have you been? That's been pointed out since 'Dracula' was published."